


Sit Around and Miss You

by swimmingwolf59



Series: Cashepar Week 2019 [4]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post Timeskip, Verdant Wind Spoilers, non-graphic depictions of war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21643582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimmingwolf59/pseuds/swimmingwolf59
Summary: Caspar is looking forward to the class reunion so he can see Ashe again after five years of being apart.However, when the time comes, everyone shows up to the reunion except Ashe.Cashepar Week 2019 Day 5: Reunion (after timeskip)
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez/Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert
Series: Cashepar Week 2019 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553584
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	Sit Around and Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> This will be my last entry for cashepar week - sorry to end on angst lol. I had fun working on stuff though, and I'm really looking forward to sitting down and reading everyone else's entries, too! Thanks for supporting me <3
> 
> Title comes from the black keys [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w43EO7Tcz6o) , which I think is pretty fitting for the fic
> 
> Also, like I said in the tags, this fic has verdant wind timeskip spoilers - as I've said before, I originally recruited ashe and caspar into my golden deer route, so they're like honorary golden deer kids in my mind lol  
> Hope you enjoy!

Caspar had been looking forward to the reunion.

Ending up in the Golden Deer house by the time the war started meant that Caspar hasn’t had a great time the last five years. He’d gone home to find his father and every single one of his friends from the Black Eagles house, including Linhardt, supporting the Empire. When he’d tried to bring up turning against the Empire, his father had turned on him and charged him with mutiny. He’d fled the Empire and ended up in Alliance territory, wandering around aimlessly before Raphael found him nearly starved to death in the woods. He’s been hiding out in Raphael and Ignatz’s village ever since, trying to keep tabs on his father and deliver whatever information he can to Claude and the rest of the Alliance.

Despite living with two good friends, however, it’s been extremely isolating – everyone looks at him like they can see the Adrestian nobility on his face. And after the second year of the war, it became increasingly obvious that he’ll likely never be able to go home again.

And to make matters worse, he hasn’t seen Ashe since they all left the Monastery.

He and Ashe are…something. Were something. They hadn’t really talked about it – they’d just been kids then, kids who were only concerned with the upcoming mission or exam. They hadn’t been expecting _war_. 

Caspar will never forget the day he first kissed Ashe. They’d been sneaking around in the pantry, feeding their cat. Caspar had said something stupid that had made Ashe laugh so hard he almost couldn’t keep quiet, and he just hadn’t been able to help himself. He’d fallen for Ashe fast and hard; he’d found Ashe attractive just when they’d happen to run into each other around the Monastery, but once they both joined Golden Deer house, his feelings deepened quickly. Once he saw how smart and witty and kind Ashe was – how could he feel any differently?

So he’d kissed him, Ashe’s laughter still bubbling against his lips, and it had been the best thing in his life. Still is. After that, they’d spent a lot of time together, both kissing and hanging out, and it had been going so well that Caspar had thought nothing would ever end it.

But then the Empire declared war, and there suddenly wasn’t any time left to talk about their future; everyone was too preoccupied with what was going to happen now that Byleth had disappeared. Caspar had thought about following Ashe, but he’d been worried about his friends and family back home. They’d parted ways, and at the time, _Ashe_ had been worried about how _Caspar_ would fare. Caspar had been worried about Ashe too, of course, but he knew he could take care of himself.

He repeated that like a mantra in his head, even after he heard that the Kingdom had collapsed and been taken over by the Empire.

_Ashe could take care of himself. Ashe could take care of himself._

He still believes it, but now that the Kingdom’s collapsed it’s impossible to tell what’s happened to Ashe or any of his former classmates.

He should’ve followed Ashe. They should’ve at least discussed a place to meetup in case of emergency.

He’s worried he’s going to regret letting him go for the rest of his life.

“Hey,” Raphael says one evening. “Our five-year class reunion is coming up, isn’t it?”

The three of them are sitting around the fire in Raphael’s and Ignatz’s cabin, eating dinner. None of them are particularly good cooks, Ignatz the best of the three, but at least meat just involves holding it over the flames until it’s done.

Caspar glances at Raphael, surprised. He’d totally forgotten about the class reunion.

Ignatz frowns. “…Do you think anyone will show up?”

“…Of course they will!” Caspar shouts. “I mean, we all promised! And if the rest of them decide to show up, we can’t be the only ones that don’t!”

Raphael nods. “Caspar’s right. And besides, it’ll be nice to see everyone! We haven’t seen anyone else since the war broke out.”

Ignatz nods too. “Alright then, we’ll go!”

They head to the Monastery a few moons later. It’s startling how destroyed the church is – it had been such a strong structure when they’d gone to school there, and it’s unsettling to see it in ruins now.

Raphael jostles Caspar as they’re walking up to the main gates. “You excited to see Ashe?”

_Ashe._

He’s all Caspar’s been able to think about lately – the excitement of getting to see him again is so strong he could explode. A lot has changed in five years, but Caspar’s feelings for Ashe haven’t; they’re just as strong as they were when he was a teenager. And as long as Ashe’s feelings haven’t changed either, they’ll be able to get through anything, even this horrible war.

“Shut up, man,” Caspar says, grinning as he jostles Raphael back.

They’re almost to the main gate when they hear the sounds of fighting. They all glance at each other before changing course, emerging onto a battlefield where their former classmates are all fighting a group of bandits. There isn’t a lot of time to talk at first, everyone just picking up their weapons and charging in, but at the end of the battle, when they’re all standing around, Caspar is hit with such relief at seeing everyone again that he almost loses his balance.

Everyone’s here: Claude, Lorenz, Hilda, Marianne, Lysithea, Leonie, Flayn, even _Byleth_ , who everyone thought for sure was dead, and—

Caspar stops. Looks over everyone again, just to make sure he didn’t miss him. He goes over it about ten times, his heart sinking with each reiteration.

_No—_

Everyone shows up.

Everyone, that is, except for Ashe.

\--

Caspar waits for a week. Maybe Ashe just forgot what day the reunion was.

But as the days pass, and the longer his absence stretches out, the more Caspar loses hope. He tries not to think about _why_ Ashe didn’t show up to the reunion when everyone else did. He probably just forgot, or got involved in something else. Maybe in the last five years he decided he was more loyal to the Blue Lions than the Golden Deer.

But everyone knows what happened to the Kingdom.

All of the years he’s spent worrying about him, Caspar has never once let himself think that Ashe was dead. Ashe is too strong, too clever to just up and die on him. Ashe was always saying that _Caspar_ was the one who would get himself killed, charging recklessly into battle like he always does.

But now that the prospect is terrifyingly real, he doesn’t know what to do.

“Caspar,” Claude says, jogging up to where Caspar is just standing in the training grounds, staring blankly at the wall. “Hey, I know this isn’t much, but if I learn anything about the Kingdom, you’ll be the first to know, okay?”

It’s hard not to just crumple. Caspar sniffs and says, “…Thanks. I just…why wouldn’t he be here, if he wasn’t…?”

“…I don’t know.” Claude joins him in staring at the wall. “After Dimitri was reported dead, there’s been no word from any of the Blue Lions students. The Kingdom is completely overtaken. It…it doesn’t look good.”

“…I should’ve gone with him.” Caspar’s voice cracks. “I should’ve—”

Claude put a hand on his shoulder. “Try to get some sleep, okay? We don’t know anything for sure yet.”

“…That’s almost worse,” Caspar whispers, but Claude is already gone. 

He does try to get some sleep, but every time he closes his eyes Ashe’s face appears. Sometimes he’s smiling, sometimes he’s worried, sometimes he’s terrified as he’s being sliced apart—

Caspar gets up. At this point, anything’s better than trying to sleep.

He heads out into the courtyard, content to just wander aimlessly and attempt to clear his head. But his feet bring him to the dining hall, deserted since it’s the middle of the night. He used to sneak in here with Ashe all the time, mostly to feed their cat, sometimes to smooch where they knew no one would find them.

The thought that they may never be able to do that again is unbearable.

But a sudden thought occurs to him, and he can’t easily dispel it, so he weaves around the tables and the kitchen until he’s standing in the pantry. It’s dark. It’s quiet. He listens for a moment but then, when he hears nothing, clicks his tongue a few times.

He waits for a response. Nothing.

He clicks his tongue again.

There’s a sudden commotion as some of the cans fall onto the floor, followed by a soft thud. It’s too dark to know for sure, but Caspar would know the sound of those paws anywhere. He kneels down as the same cat from five years ago scurries up to him and rubs against his leg, purring.

He picks her up and buries his face in her fur, grateful beyond words. She’s a lot skinnier than she was when they left—likely because there’s been no one here to feed her—but she’s _alive_ and _here._

“I bet you missed me, huh?” he coos to her, pulling some meat from his pockets and offering it to her.

She devours it in two bites and then curls up against his chest, purring loudly.

“I’m glad…” he says, his eyes filling with tears, “That you’re still here, at least.”

He hugs her to him as hard as he possibly can, and cries.

\--

The war is terrible, but at least it’s something to do. Days pass. Battles are won. Sleep still evades Caspar for the most part, but the cat’s getting fatter by the day, so that’s good, at least.

Claude still hasn’t heard anything from the Kingdom.

“We’re marching to Ailell tomorrow to receive the troops from Judith,” Claude is saying at their end-of-the-month strategy meeting. “There shouldn’t be any trouble, but come prepared, just in case.”

“Ailell…That’s just on the edge of Kingdom territory, isn’t it?” Ignatz says, glancing at Caspar.

Caspar stares solidly down at the table.

“Yes – I doubt anyone from the Kingdom would be there, though. It’s hot as hell.” Claude also glances at Caspar. “And we can’t afford to spend time looking around.”

“If there _is_ anyone left from the Kingdom, they can find us,” Leonie says. “It must be pretty obvious by now that we’re fighting the Empire.”

“Agreed.” Byleth nods at everyone. “Spend tonight preparing. We leave early tomorrow.”

The meeting adjourns. Caspar knows everyone’s just trying to get his hopes up by talking about potential Kingdom survivors at Ailell, but he doesn’t have the strength in him to muster the hope. It’ll hurt too much if they go and find no one. Besides, Claude’s right – it’s too hot in Ailell for anyone to hide out there. There’s probably no one there at all.

Except there is someone there – a whole _army_ of someones.

“What the hell,” Claude hisses as the massive amount of troops storm down the mountain on the other side of the valley. 

“So much for not fighting anyone,” Hilda sighs.

“Someone must have snitched our location,” Lorenz snarls.

“Doesn’t matter now – we must face them.” Byleth says, their face tight. “We need Judith’s troops.”

And so they all charge down into the valley. Just feet from Caspar, a huge pillar of lava shoots up from the ground, pouring hot lava widely around it. Caspar skirts away, eyes wide. Geez, _this_ is going to be a horrible place to fight in.

“Who are you?” Claude shouts, his wyvern growling beneath him as they all enter the battlefield.

“I am Gwendal, the Gray Lion, a knight by the hand of Count Rowe! Do your worst!” a Great Knight snarls from the farthest point of the field.

“Count Rowe? That’s a Kingdom house, if I’m not mistaken,” Lysithea says grimly. “They must be a faction that was taken over by the Empire!”

“They’re just goddamn everywhere, aren’t they?” Claude sighs. “Alright everyone, let’s go!”

Caspar follows Byleth, Claude, Lorenz, and Leonie towards the northern passage, leaving the others behind to cover the west side. A group of archers approaches them; one of them is so achingly familiar that for a moment, Caspar thinks he must be asleep and dreaming.

An eruption of a lava column next to him gets him moving again. “ _Professor!_ ”

But they’ve seen him too, and has stopped just up ahead. They hold their sword to the side, stopping their side’s advance. “Ashe…!”

Ashe looks horrible. His eyes have a hollow, haunted look to them and his skin and hair are coated in ash. He looks barely present until his eyes lock with Caspar’s, and suddenly widen. He glances at all of them, stunned. “…Professor?”

“Ashe!” Caspar shouts and starts to run forward, but Byleth’s arm shoots out in front of him, stopping him. “Hey, Professor…!”

But by stopping, he sees what Byleth must have seen, too; Ashe’s fingers tightening around his bow. His eyes narrowing to angry, sad slits. His entire back tense as he notches an arrow. “I’m sorry, Professor – I don’t want to fight you. But I have my responsibilities, just as you have yours. There’s no turning back.”

“What the hell are you _talking_ about?!” Caspar shouts. He’s more afraid than he’s ever been in his life as Ashe pulls his drawstring back.

Byleth suddenly shoots forward, Sword of the Creator raised high above their head. Caspar’s heart stops as Byleth swings down and for a moment, he’s absolutely stunned. The Professor… The Professor just killed—

But when the dust and ash settles, Caspar sees that Byleth’s sword is just inches from Ashe’s head, purposefully missing him. Ashe’s eyes are blown wide, his body shaking. “Professor…?”

“Ashe, you are a person of freewill – you don’t need to do anything that you don’t want to do,” Byleth says, staring directly into Ashe’s eyes. “The dead aren’t around to care anymore – you don’t owe them anything.”

“B-but—” Ashe’s eyes close – it’s highly visible when he swallows.

“I don’t know anything about your father other than what you’ve told me, but based on what you’ve told me, he wouldn’t want you doing this. He’d want you to live your own life – isn’t that what he took you in for?”

Ashe says nothing – he just stands there with his eyes closed. Byleth pushes past him and slices the archer that was running up behind him. The others follow them until it’s just Ashe and Caspar, Caspar standing there just staring at Ashe.

Part of him hasn’t realized that he’s not dead yet.

But then Ashe opens his eyes and looks at him, _really_ looks at him. “Caspar…?”

That breaks the spell – Caspar runs to him, uncaring that there are still enemies around, and pulls Ashe into a spine-crushing hug.

“I thought you were dead,” he sobs, clutching Ashe to him as hard as he can. “I almost just watched you die. Were you really going to shoot the Professor?”

“I…yes.” Ashe lets out a shaky breath. “I-I was trying to help out my father’s house, but—I didn’t expect us to get mixed in with the Empire. I…I didn’t know how to _leave_.”

“You idiot,” Caspar grits out between clenched teeth, but he’s crying. “Why didn’t you contact me? I would’ve helped.”

“I-I heard you went into exile,” Ashe stutters, reaching up to grasp Caspar’s shoulders for dear life. “I didn’t know where you were… I thought maybe you were dead, too.”

Caspar closes his eyes, lets out a shaky breath. “I wish I had just gone with you. I missed you so much.”

“I’m glad you didn’t – they might have killed you.” Ashe’s fists reach up to tangle in his hair, and the next thing Caspar knows he’s pulling him into a searing kiss. Their tears wet each other’s cheeks, but Caspar doesn’t care; he just kisses him and kisses him and kisses him.

“I missed you too,” Ashe gasps when they have to break for air. “So much.”

Caspar cups Ashe’s face, uses his thumbs to wipe away his tears. “Are you injured? Do you need Marianne to heal you?”

“I’m okay.” Ashe tries for a small smile. “Want to fight together, for old time’s sake?”

Caspar tries for a small smile, too. “Always.”

\--

Later, when they make it back to the Monastery, Caspar and Ashe just stand in the dark of Caspar’s room, holding each other.

Ashe is still badly shaken – he hasn’t stopped trembling against Caspar since they’d returned from the battle, injured but alive. Caspar doesn’t know what’s happened to him exactly in the five years since they’ve seen each other, but there’ll be plenty of time for that later. All that’s important right now is holding him and kissing him and being so, _so_ thankful that he’s alive.

Besides, Caspar isn’t faring much better.

“It’s good to be back,” Ashe says, his chin on Caspar’s shoulder, cheek pressed against cheek. “It…was so lonely, these last five years.”

“I know what you mean,” Caspar says, nosing at Ashe’s skin. “I mean, I was living with Raphael and Ignatz for a while, but…my father supports the Empire. So do all of my Black Eagle friends. I…I mean, what if I can never go home again?”

“…I don’t have a home anymore, either.” Ashe pulls back to look at him. “We’ll figure something out. Together?”

Caspar smiles, relieved, and leans in to kiss him. “Together.”

**Author's Note:**

> come chat with me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kaoru_of_hakone) !


End file.
